Alive
by subduedfangirl
Summary: "Isn't he beautiful?" Hanji said. "He's alive." That was always what Levi focused back on. "That's why he's beautiful." Hanji interlaced her fingers with his. [Written for Levihan Week 2015. Prompt - Beauty. Spoilers from Chapter 69 of the manga are mentioned. Please read with caution if you have not reached that point.]


**A/N: Happy Levihan Week everybody! This time I have a fic planned for every day, although at the time of this writing I'm not done with all of them yet... But I'm staying optimistic! Anyway, I hope that you enjoy some family fluff with a side of angst for the first day!**

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There were times when Levi still couldn't trust what he was seeing. It was easy to fall back into his old expectation that something terrible could happen at any second. He watched his son stumble through the grassy field in front of him, pouncing on something—maybe a grasshopper, the kid liked bugs—and took a deep breath.

Hanji sat down next to him under the tree, leaning against the trunk. "I'm getting out of shape," she sighed. "A toddler can outrun me now."

"Mmm." Levi kept his eyes on the kid. He could see flickers of movement on the edges of his vision, far-off shadows of giants lumbering towards them—

"They're gone," Hanji reminded him in a soft voice.

"I know," Levi said. The visions disappeared. Something in his expression must have given it away, although there was little he could hide from Hanji in the first place.

But Hanji didn't push the subject, leaning her head on his shoulder instead. Their son pulled a large clump of grass out of the ground, throwing it up in the air. "Isn't he beautiful?" Hanji said.

"He's alive." That was always what Levi focused back on.

"That's why he's beautiful." Hanji interlaced her fingers with his. "Best experiment success, I'd say."

Micah hadn't been planned in any sense of the word. Levi had never seen Hanji look as scared as she had when she told him she was pregnant. But Micah also had good timing. If Hanji had noticed the pregnancy before the Titans were gone, then—

Levi blinked the thought away. Once he'd left active duty, even the smallest mental prompting could send him down a long train of what-ifs and old memories. He'd never dwelled on those things before, and he didn't like it now.

The only cure for it was to focus on the current moment. The way Micah's dark hair reflected the sunlight became an anchor to drag himself out of the darkness of his own thoughts.

 _He's alive_ , Levi repeated to himself. _They're gone._

There were things that had happened in his life that he understood better now thanks to this kid. Like why his mother had insisted that she was just fine, she'd be back up in a day or so, just please sit over there for a minute, I don't want you to catch—

"Ah!"

His son's yell ripped Levi out of the memory and back into the present, a spike of adrenaline almost making him jump—but the two-year-old had only knocked a moth loose from some of the longer grass. Micah chased after it, his chubby hands reaching for small, dusty wings just out of range.

"Maybe we should get him a case or something for his next birthday," Hanji said. "So he can start a bug collection."

"Over my dead body," Levi responded.

Hanji pushed herself up, hitting him on the shoulder. "It's perfectly normal! I collected bugs until I was six."

"And what did you collect _after_ the bugs?" Levi asked, guessing where this was going.

Hanji tilted her head back, thinking. "Then it was frogs, I think."

Levi frowned. "I'm not letting our son bring bugs or frogs into our house, shitty glasses."

"But look how happy it makes him!" Hanji said, pointing. Micah had caught the moth and somehow hadn't crushed it between his hands. It rested on the tips of his fingers, fluttering its wings as he giggled at it. A second later, it took flight and he watched it go with wide eyes. Micah frowned a moment later. His look of frustration was identical to his mother's when an experiment wasn't going right.

"You'll get the next one, Micah!" Hanji called out to him. It wasn't clear if he heard or not, since he immediately took off into the longer grass once again.

Hanji chuckled. "If the only thing that he ever has to worry about is losing bugs, then his life won't be half bad," she said. She squeezed Levi's hand. He squeezed back.

"Levi…"

He turned his head towards Hanji, but she'd stopped herself, staring straight ahead. Micah laughed a short distance away. Hanji took a breath and started again. "How do you feel about being a dad?"

A memory resurfaced, so strong that Levi was almost sick from the vertigo. He tried to remind himself where he was, under a tree with Hanji as they watched their son play—

But his mind insisted on something else. Levi could feel the familiar weight of his gear, a gun in his hand, looking at a half-burned man dying in front of him.

 _I can't be someone's parent…_

Micah ran past them towards another bush, laughing about something new caught between his hands. Levi watched him go, catching his breath. He tried to push the memory of Kenny's last moments back into the depths of his mind.

"Not sure yet," Levi said. "Not bad, I guess."

Hanji shifted her weight beside him, pulling her hand away. Levi turned towards her to see her pulling in her knees towards her chest as she sucked in her lips.

"Hanji?"

Her ears started turning red. "Then… How do you feel about being a dad again?"

Levi's mind went blank. There were no memories or what-ifs threatening to drag him out of this moment. There was only Hanji, and the way she was looking at him out of the corner of her eye, waiting for his reaction.

And then time skipped, and he was holding her as tight as he could, much tighter than he would dare over the next nine months out of fear. Hanji clung back, and he heard a cut-off sob somewhere against his shoulder.

"Sorry," Hanji said when they pulled away, wiping her nose. "Since last time was just… I don't know, I just couldn't keep it a secret for long this time."

Levi kissed her on the forehead before standing up. Hanji pulled her glasses off her face, wiping a tear out of her eye. "Where are you going?"

"We're going to need more bleach," Levi said, heading over to the bush Micah was hiding in. "I learned from last time." He heard Hanji break out in laughter behind him as he scooped up Micah. The toddler yelled with happy surprise and clung to Levi's shirt. They started heading down the hill.

A few moments later, a small hand patted Levi on the cheek. Levi turned his head to see Micah smiling up at him. He held out his other hand, displaying his trophy: a half-squished grasshopper.

The insect guts began to stir another battlefield memory, but Levi kissed Micah's forehead instead.

"Maybe we'll get the bleach after a bath," Levi said, his smile mirroring Micah's.


End file.
